The First Sunday in Lent - Ben Jones, Candidate for Holy Orders in the Episcopal Diocese of Georgia

 When I was in 7th grade, 

I had to design a bridge for a science project. 

It was a simple Truss bridge, 

And the spaghetti and marshmallow model told me

It was a rather strong bridge design, too. 

With the sketch, 

I remember coloring everything in as my final, finishing touch. 

I remember having such a proud grin on my face

When I turned it in. 

My teacher looked at the sketch,

Then me, 

Then the sketch again, 

Before finally asking

Why did you colour the sky purple?

My face turned red, 

And I meekly told my teacher I am colorblind. 

The next thing that happened is something that still happens to me - 

People asking me: What colour is this?

The reactions vary wildly. 

What my youngest sister in law said when she found out was 

Oh, that’s okay. Ben is just a bit behind on his colours. He’ll catch up.

Sometimes, people get existential. 

What if your yellow is like, my green?

Rarely, though it does happen, people think I am lying. 

And that is what happened in class that day when I handed in my bridge design. 

It can be really difficult to wrestle with that self doubt. 

Even when your own experience is the only real witness. 

And there was one word that dominated that specific line of reaction. 

If. 

If you are colorblind, then you wouldn’t have known the grass is green!

If you are colorblind, then you wouldn’t have known I have a sunburn on my neck!

If you are colorblind, how do you know the colour of your clothes?

So, 

Believe me when I tell you that when 

Satan,

The Adversary, 

The Tempter, 

In this morning’s Gospel reading from Matthew said to Jesus 

If you are the Son of God, 

I took it a bit too personally. 

In Matthew’s Gospel, 

God was present at Jesus’ baptism in the Jordan. 

This is my Son, with whom I am well pleased. 

So not only casting doubt on Jesus’ very identity, 

But also asserting that God was not there. 

Antagonizing Jesus into thinking God the Father does not care for him

In the way he experienced emerging from the river.

It is a smug thing to say. 

And it is a deceitful thing to say. 

If you are the Son of God.

He couldn’t take away God’s power, 

So he tried to make Jesus earn it. 

Earn it through spectacle.

Earn it through angels. 

Earn it through power. 

Earn it through the temptation of spiritual self sabotage. 

I know it is not common for most folks to experience 

These sorts of temptations - 

Especially turning stone to bread -

But the heart of it is something innate to the human condition:

Being tempted to take a shortcut. 

To do the easy thing. 

To take the smoothest path. 

And even more so when the outcome of that would still be good, in a sense. 

If Jesus did turn that stone to bread, 

Then he could eat. Imagine how hungry he must’ve been!

If Jesus did fall from the highest point of the temple 

And was saved by divine intervention,

Then doubt regarding who Jesus is would cease to exist. 

If Jesus did rule all kingdoms of the world,

Then there might indeed be God’s justice, God’s peace, and God’s mercy 

In all things. 

. . . 

That word, 

If, 

Wishes for Jesus to bargain with his own identity. 

That word,

If, 

Wants Jesus to say to himself 

Maybe I was wrong about my own experience. 

But notice with me, 

For each time the Tempter says If you are the Son of God,

Jesus firmly replies 

It is…

It is written. 

Each time the Tempter wishes to instill 

A spiritual self doubt, 

Jesus backs it up with something much more powerful. 

God’s word. 

…

I think Lent can feel overwhelming, 

And for multiple reasons. 

If we want to give something up for the season, 

Then we really have to reckon with what we are really willing to give up.

If we want to take something on, 

Then we have to seriously evaluate boundaries and over extending. 

And if you’re an overthinker like me, 

Deciding on and maintaining a spiritual discipline 

Can feel like its own wilderness. 

Like our belovedness is under interrogation,

Like we have to prove ourselves in pity and penitence. 

Like we have to earn it. 

I don’t think Lent is a season meant to focus on If’s. 

I think Lent is a season for reaffirming It is written. 

We may not be tempted with turning stone to bread, 

But we are tempted to turn anxiety into control. 

We may not be tempted with falling several hundred feet to see angels catch us, 

But we are tempted to turn insecurity into performance. 

To fabricate some kind of ease and certainty. 

But why fabricate ease and certainty

When we can return to what God has already said?

To the promise spoken over us at our own baptism?

 

It is hard. It is difficult. 

And like coloring the sky purple - 

A little odd.

To practice trust over needing proof.

And learning to answer all the If’s with It is.

Not to prove, 

But to return. 

For it is written 

“You are my hiding-place;

you preserve me from trouble; *

you surround me with shouts of deliverance.”

Amen.