Funeral Homily for Betty Jeffers - The Rev. Colette Hammesfahr

 

I’ve only been at St. Thomas’ for two years. While I met both Jim and Betty several times, I didn’t know Betty when she was in her prime. Since her death I’ve spent a lot of time talking to women here who knew her well. What’s amazing to me is how each new conversation I had was not much different than the one before, and not much different than the one after.

Everyone described and talked about Betty in the same way; that says something about a person. It tells me that Betty was true to who she was. She treated everyone with the same dignity and respect, and love and admiration.

Her daughter Debbie said Betty was a “Proper Southern Lady.” I thought I better look that up so I could get a good image in my mind of who she was. Google says that one of the characteristics of a proper southern woman is that she dresses the part. Betty has been described to me as always being impeccably dressed. When she went out, everything matched from head to toe. She’d get her hair done every Friday and she loved wearing the jewelry that Jim, her husband, bought her. Being impeccably dressed did not mean she spent a lot of money, though. The St. Thomas Thrift Store was her favorite place to shop. She was a long-time volunteer at the Thrift Store. One of the perks of volunteering there is that you get first dibs on purchasing the clothes that were donated. Recently, when downsizing, the Jeffers donated a lot of their things to the Thrift Store, including a lot of Betty’s clothes. It was joke when all the clothes showed up because now the Thrift Store could sell them – again.

The second characteristic of a proper southern lady is that she knows her way around the kitchen. Betty was a wonderful cook who loved cooking for her family. Holidays were spent together with Betty doing the cooking. For more than 20 years, she and Jim were part of a St. Thomas’, supper club, where couples would get together monthly to share a meal. Betty’s group was affectionately called the “Holy Locusts” because of how quickly they devoured the food and drink that had been prepared.

A proper southern lady is also known for uplifting others and caring for her family. At 17-years-old, she married a MUCH older man, as Jim was a whopping 23-years-old. He was scared to death to ask her father for her hand in marriage, but he got up the courage and asked. They shared a beautiful marriage for nearly 77 years.

Betty was a great mom who loved her family and loved small children. She was always available if her children needed advice; always available to listen. She was willing to do anything for her children. Growing up, when it came time to discipline her children, her southern lady qualities came out. She didn’t yell when she was mad at them. Instead, Betty would give them the silent treatment. Which could sometimes be worse than a good yelling. In 1996, Jim planned a family reunion in Holden Beach, North Carolina. To this day, the family still spends time there every summer.

A proper Southern lady is involved in her community. This is an area where Betty excelled. As a member of St. Thomas’ Betty wore many hats. She served on the Vestry and Altar Guild. While on Altar Guild, she was responsible for taking care of the linens. Red wine and lipstick is NOT easy to get out of white linens. Betty was a pro at knocking out those stubborn stains and so was appropriately nicknamed “Angel of the linens.” She was a member of The Order of the Daughters of the King and she put in many, many hours volunteering at the St. Thomas’ Thrift Store. She loved to quilt by hand and was a great painter. She and Jim were known for their dancing. Did you know that when they first started dancing, they would dress up in bright colored shirts and go square dancing?

I had to chuckle the other day. I was told that Betty took up golfing and quickly became quite good at it. She won trophy after trophy at tournaments she would enter. What was funny is that Debbie told me she was almost as good as Jim. I thought to myself, “Perhaps, Betty held back a little when playing Jim, as a perfectly proper southern lady should.”

In our Gospel reading for today we heard the promise that even those who have died are not lost. Those who have died live with Jesus. This is a promise that each and every one of us are given. Through her kindness and service, Betty embraced and lived out that eternal promise every day of her life. Today, she lives in the life-giving presence of Christ where her life of love rests in His care. Now, it is our job to live out her legacy. Betty’s love remains alive in her family, in her community and in the example she set. Rest assured that Betty, the proper southern lady, is feasting on the heavenly banquet that all of us yearn to one day be a part of.      Amen.