Funeral Homily for Donald Fowler - The Rev. Colette Hammesfahr

Reverend Melanie and I were talking about Don, and she said, “He was such a gentleman…and such a gentle man.” When I mentioned this to his family, they added that Don was a Southern gentleman -- because there is a difference.  

A Southern Gentleman says “yes maam and no maam” and “yes sir and no sir.” He has a “quiet confidence.” Is not flashy, loud, rude, or tacky and has a respect for family, heritage and traditions. From what I know of Don, that fits him to a “t.” 

Don loved country music, and one of his favorite songs was Country Roads by John Denver. And he had a special affection for Willie Nelson.  

Don met Anna, his wife of 59 years, on a TWA flight. Anna was a “hostess” for TWA -- what we would now call a flight attendant. Don had once won a contest by answering a question about how many miles someone had walked, so he thought he’d be able to catch this pretty hostess with the same question. After being seated, as Anna came down the aisle past him, he asked, “How many miles do you walk in a day?” Anna abruptly replied, “I don’t know!” and continued down the aisle. Anna did come back later and apologized. She and Don met for coffee after the flight, and the rest is history.  

Don’s family laughs when they admit that Don was not much of an outdoorsman. His sons, Scott and Michael, recalled a scouting trip they took to Nags Head. Don went along, ready to camp outdoors with his boys and the other scouts. That is, until the rain started. Because when it started to rain, Don said to his boys, “Come on, let’s get in the car and find a hotel.” Maybe it was a little nudge from Don to postpone his internment today until a later day, when the sun is shining.  

He adored his sons. He was so proud of them. He loved to show them off to others. They have fond memories of their father taking them to work with him at Wachovia Bank and to gatherings at the many organizations he was a member of – the Rotary Club, Habit for Humanity, and the Boy Scouts of America, just to name a few.  

And they loved and respected him dearly. Both Scott and Michael said that when it came to discipline, their dad’s “I’m disappointed in you” was far worse than any of Anna’s spankings with the wooden spoon. They did not want to disappoint this gentle man.  

He was a gentle man who didn’t have any enemies. He loved meeting new people, socializing after meetings, and he especially loved his church family.  

A member of St. Thomas for 30 years, the favorite part of his week was gathering in Sandfly for coffee with the men from St. Thomas. It’s there that he made some of his greatest friendships.  

Recently, because Don’s health kept him from attending the weekly coffee gatherings, the men changed their weekly plans and met at the coffee shop downstairs at Thrive, where he and Anna live, so that he could enjoy another talk-filled morning. That token of friendship meant the world to Don, but it meant even more to Anna and his sons.  

We find comfort in remembering Don…his stories, and the impact he made on the world around him and in the life of others. While we mourn the loss of this gentle man, we can find comfort in the words of Jesus that we heard in today’s Gospel, “Do not let your hearts be troubled. I am the way and the truth and the life.”   

On Sunday we celebrated the Baptism of Jesus, and we talked about living out our baptismal covenant. Don lived out his covenant to the fullest. He gave his time to the Episcopal church by serving on Diocesan councils and he cared for others by serving on committees at many non-profits. Don was on a committee where the leader of an organization was being disciplined. Many on the committee wanted to go above and beyond with the discipline. Don said, “No. You don’t kick a man when he’s down.” He loved others and respected the dignity of all people.  

Today, Don reaps the rewards of his baptism as he has been delivered from death to everlasting salvation. Jesus said, “In my Father’s house there are many dwelling places…I go to prepare a place for you.” God claimed Don as God’s own at his baptism. And at his death, Don is living the promise. He has been welcomed into God’s heavenly mansion, where maybe he’s having a cup of coffee and teaching those who have gone before him how to be a Southern Gentleman.  

Amen.