Funeral Homily for Ellen Bivens

 In the beloved Harry Potter series, Harry and his friends are given a map to guide them around Hogwarts. For them to see the contents of the map, they have to proclaim the words, “I solemnly swear I am up to no good.”

It’s one of my favorites lines in the series because it incapsulates the nature of the characters, who at their heart really are seeking to do good, but have a little bit of a mischievous side.

Ellen was a fan of Harry Potter so as I listened to her family tell stories, I imagine there was a part of her that related to these words.

After all, as the daughter of a pastor who would tell his children when things got a little tense, “Shut up and drink your Bourbon,” she was bound to be a little bit spunky. Don’t worry folks - they didn’t actually drink bourbon.

She was a fierce competitor. Will always won at backgammon and she hated it. But don’t ever play trivia with her because you didn’t have a fighting chance.

Will and Ellen’s wedding song was September by Earth, Wind and Fire. Appropriate for a September wedding day. Will tells the story about that day. Ellen drove herself to the church with the top down in her beloved Mustang – veil and all. Will recalls looking out seeing Ellen pulling up with her veil blowing all over the place.

She preferred her chicken and pizza cold, and could get into Jane Austen just as easily as Lord of the Rings. Pavarotti as much as Bruno Mars.

She was so smart. She worked for many years as an accountant and was adored by her colleagues. When there was a project to be done at home, she was the one who would figure out all the measurements and numbers. Will affectionately calls her the engineer of the operation.

Beyond her fun nature and astute mind, I imagine we each bore witness to her loving and steadfast heart.

The girls said she was the best mom. Whether it was making sure they were up on their grades, taking them to school, or gifting them with little treats, she was always there. Vanessa described her as really warm, trustworthy and the giver of the best hugs. Their favorite past time was watching scary movies together.

Lillie and Becky also received those hugs and affection regularly. Ellen spent her free time taking Lillie shoe shopping and napping with Becky while watching Scooby Doo.

That same nurturing spirit extended here to her church family at St. Thomas. I could always count on Ellen to volunteer for activities at church. Every Vacation Bible School I put her name on the list before asking because I knew the answer was always yes.

In the last year, Ellen became a fixture in our nursery as she cared for our youngest weekly. The first image you’d see when you entered the Christian Education building was her sitting in the rocking chair waiting for the children to arrive.

It’s been difficult to see that chair empty on Sunday mornings. The visible reminder of one gone too soon. I imagine you, her family, experience this same void in your home each day. There is a little bit missing inside each of us.

Knowing Ellen’s love of Lord of the Rings, I was reminded of the conversation between Frodo and Gandalf when Frodo finds the weight of all that’s before him in the face of uncertainty too much to bear.

It feels like we can all relate to Frodo in this time of grief and sorrow.

The conversation goes like this…

“I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo. “So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”

I wish we didn’t have to be here today. I wish the loss of Ellen need not have happened in my time or your time.

But I find great comfort in knowing that Ellen made the most of the time given to her.

She had fun. She laughed. She found herself up to no good every once in a while.

She used her talents to better her workplace, her family and her church.

She loved well as a partner, mother and friend. A love so wide and deep that it moved her all the way from Tennessee to Savannah, GA to take care of her girls.

“I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo. “So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”

Thanks be to God for the life of Ellen Bivens and for the time we were given with her. Amen.