14th Sunday after Pentecost-Rev Melanie Lemburg

 14th Sunday after Pentecost-Proper 18A

September 6, 2020

         Last summer, you might recall that I took a one-week intensive course on conflict meditation training at the Lombard Mennonite Peace Center near Chicago.  Our trainer, a man named Richard Blackburn, started the training with us by talking about conflict in the bible.  If you think about it, the bible is full of diversity and conflict.  And I remember Richard saying that conflict (in the bible and elsewhere) is often an opportunity to learn something new about God. 

        Richard Blackburn also spent a fair amount of time with us on our gospel passage for today—Jesus’s own prescription for conflict mediation and resolution in the church. Richard told us that this particular passage of scripture reminds us that “1. God intends for us to live in peace…[and] Peacemaking starts with our sisters and brothers. 2. Conflict is inevitable and normal.  3.  [Jesus makes it clear that] the question is not if we have conflict but how we respond to it.  4.  Direct communication is better than triangling. 5. [It is important during times of conflict] to draw on the gifts of others. 6.  Conflict between individuals concerns the whole church.  And 7.  God is present for the purpose of helping people resolve their differences.”[i]  Healing and reconciliation are gifts that come from God. 

        At one point in the course, Richard also recommended that every church should create a covenant based on Matthew 18:15-20 that all church members would agree to be in relationship and handle conflict in these specific ways that Jesus outlines. 

        While all this is a very positive, life-giving way to look at conflict in community, I read a commentary this week that invites us to look at what Jesus is saying not to do in this passage in how to deal with conflict that I also found enlightening, because much of what Jesus is telling us not to do in this passage is how we normally try to handle conflict in our lives, our families, the church. 

This commentary writes, “As we enter the doorway of this passage, it’s helpful to bear in mind the classic, counterproductive, even death-dealing ways we’re often tempted to engage in conflict. First, we’re tempted to avoid it. Second, we’re tempted to gossip: to tell other people about the person or behavior that’s offended us, rather than to address our concerns directly to the person or people involved. Third, we’re tempted to gang up on each other, to recruit like-minded people to our side and create echo chambers of grievance. Fourth, we’re tempted to air our grievance only in such echo-chambers, or in front of overwhelmingly friendly audiences where accountability is minimal. And fifth, we’re tempted to regard our opponents as if they are unwelcome or better off elsewhere, outside our community entirely. In this week’s reading, Jesus takes on these five temptations, one at a time.”[ii]

        Let’s look at these wrong ways to deal with conflict in light of what Jesus is saying in the gospel passage.  1. “Against avoidance: Right out of the gates, Jesus is clear that in cases of significant offense, avoidance and evasion aren’t good options; go directly to source of the issue, he says, and share your concerns.” 

2.  “Against gossip: If you feel offended or critical, Jesus insists, begin not by telling someone else, but rather by directly communicating with the person (or people) by whom you’ve been offended - and do so, if possible, one-on-one, “when the two of you are alone” (Matthew 18:15). This respectfully allows the person to clear up any misunderstanding, or to apologize and make amends - and all the while, to save face. This approach implicitly says: I respect you enough to give you space to rectify this, without embarrassing you in front of others; and I’m humble enough to recognize that I may have misunderstood something, or may have something to learn. And it wisely avoids the ‘triangulation’ so corrosive to human communities.” 

3. “Against ganging up in an echo chamber of grievance: only after this first step has proven impossible or ineffective, Jesus says, should a second step be taken - though here again, direct communication is the strategy, not echo-chamber-meetings held in secret, apart from the alleged offender. Go directly to him or her, not with a gang of five or ten, but with ‘one or two’ as witnesses (Matthew 18:16). This communicates the same respect and humility of the “one-on-one” approach, while at the same time adding the wisdom and experience one or two others might provide. In some situations, a third-party perspective can help two parties in conflict find common ground and a way forward.”

4. “Against airing grievances only with friendly audiences: If steps one and two don’t prove fruitful and the issue persists, Jesus says, step three is to share your grievance with the whole community (Matthew 18:17). Not the part of the community that will likely agree with you, or the part that will likely agree with the person who’s offended you; but the whole community (or, by the same principle, a cross-section thereof, like a church council)--including the person who’s offended you! This keeps you accountable, since with diverse listeners, you’ll be less likely to exaggerate, omit key details, or deny either how you’ve contributed to the problem or how you can help rectify it. And likewise… the alleged offender will be similarly accountable. This step…can act as a kind of “sunlight” strategy: things can fester and multiply in the dark, and in certain cases, letting sunlight in can help - and keep all of us on our best behavior.”

5) Against excommunication: Wait a minute - doesn’t Jesus actually agree with excluding an unrepentant offender from the community, saying, “let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector” (Matthew 18:17)? On the one hand, yes: unabashed offenders who insist on destructive or dysfunctional behavior should, in the end, be given a clear message: “stop this behavior, or step away from the community.”  The church is a mission, after all, and the mission needs to be carried out. But on the other hand, Jesus qualifies this recommendation:  by preceding and following this teaching with two parables of mercy and inclusion (the latter of which, on forgiveness, we’ll read next week); by clearly positioning exclusion as a last resort, to be taken only after three other intentional, constructive steps; and [by the way that Jesus, himself, treats Gentiles and tax collectors]. In surprising, graceful ways, these supposed outsiders are ultimately included in both Jesus’ mission and the beloved community.”[iii]

This week, I offer us all the invitation to think about a time when you learned something new about God during conflict.  Think about and look for ways you might be called to put these ideas from Matthew 18 into practice—in the life of your family, in the life of this church, or in the life of our greater society/community. 


[i] Mediation Skills Training Institute Manual.  Sponsored by Lombard Mennonite Peace Center .  2016. p A-9  Some of this was also reconstructed from personal notes that I took in the class. 

[iii] Ibid.

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